Title

I Had Bigfoot's Baby

There's no fascinator like the American housewife,
the tabloids keep reminding us:

no Bigfoot, no Martian can resist her:
Elvis returns from the grave to court her,
pharaohs whisper to the mediums
about forty centuries of undying love.

Surely, I say to myself,
unloading the Cheerios and beans at the checkout,
I won't have to wait long for MY turn?
There'll be another alien along in a minute;
and I've been a good girl, I never
PLEDGED MY LOVE TO OWN BROTHER or
VOWED TO WED MY MOTHER'S KILLER;
no-one's been able to say of me,
GIRL, TWELVE, GIVES BIRTH IN CONFESSIONAL
or SHE TRADED HER BABY FOR A CORVETTE.
I had the right attitude, just like all the rest--
OUR MIRACLE BABY-- I WEPT FOR JOY

Sure, I didn't have it as tough as some;
DOCTORS TOLD HER SHE'D NEVER BE A MOM
DOCTORS TOLD ME "ONE OF MY TWINS MUST DIE"
DOCTORS TOLD ME "YOUR BABY WAS BORN DEAD"
-- always wrong, naturally;
doctors generally are; they never tell you about
THE CANCER CURE THE GOVERNMENT SUPPRESSED
let alone THE ARTHRITIS SECRET ONLY GYPSIES KNOW.

And then the husbands: those poor wives, it's no wonder
HUMILIATED BY HIS PHILANDERING,
SHE DROVE OVER HIM TWICE. Can you blame her?
SHE TOOK AN AXE TO BRUTAL HUBBY;
TWENTY YEARS OF BEATINGS LED TO HORRIBLE REVENGE.
Good on ya, kid.
But on the very next page,
you can read what
we're up against.
RAMBO WIFE SLASHES HUSBAND'S HEAD OFF--
DOCTORS STITCH IT BACK ON AND HE LIVES.

They scratch each other's backs, don't they?
Men and doctors.
Those are our enemies.